I am so very grateful that I don't really follow the news all too much.
I know about the floodings and tornadoes happening around the US, and some other basic stuff such as the weather.
So I am a bit behind on finding out that the world was supposed to end on May 21, 2011, according to some elderly man with a religious following.
Indeed, it is curious to see how many people have "predicted" the apocalypse/end of the world, just to find out that they were wrong.
Jesus did say that there will be more and more people predicting and claiming great things, and that we should not be disturbed by it. But the bible also indicates that the closer we get to this end-time scenario, there would be more "crazy stuff" happening.
So now this same elderly man predicts the world will come to an end on October 21.
I wouldn't be surprised if God finally had enough and would decide to wipe out the world.
At the same time, He does not think the way we do, nor would He feel the way we do, nor would He probably act the way we do. And our concept of time, is exactly that: ours.
God Himself isn't obligated to any particular time, nor does He perceive time as we do.
Therefore does it really matter when the end of the world comes for us?
As crazy as the elderly man predicting the rapture may sound, but he is right: we should be prepared. It doesn't matter if you physically die by either getting hit by a bus, being swept off your feet by a tornado, drown in a pool, die of a heart attack or cancer.
You already don't know the day on which you will die, so what does it matter when the end of the world may take place?
Are you changing the way you live and view life because you know you will die one day, or are you still following your sinful habits, thoughts and ideas?
Are you still getting that hamburger although you know it is bad for you?
Are you still harboring grudges and negative thoughts about people who have hurt you or who may have pissed you off? Are you still unwilling to forgive?
Are you still going to enjoy the group meetings with other like-minded individuals with which you can then feel safe to gossip?
And you're doing all of that even though you don't know if this may be your last day today (because maybe tomorrow that bus is going to hit you, or the heart attack,....)
--> so who cares about the day of the rapture/apocalypse/end of world?
I think we should be thankful for such prophets as this elderly man. If anything else, he does remind us of what we ought to be doing....think and prepare for our eternal life.
What matters is the state of your heart and soul. Time is only relevant in regards to finding the time to ensure your heart and soul are in the state of grace. Any time we have here is for us. Since God Himself is not in need of time as we know it, we should be grateful for this merciful gift of His.
Because that's what it is: a gift.
XP
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Play Time!
Okay, I only have a few moments here, so this will post will not be a very long one.
I was just thinking how wonderful it is to be able to have some leisure time in between all the
busy-ness.
This morning I was able to go out for a very long and nice walk in a park. The weather was perfect. Overcast, but yet warm. It didn't rain while we were out. I'm pleased to say my husband, dog and I walked, and then the rain came.
And although it was warm, it was not hot. In fact, in was a cool kind of warm. Very pleasant.
The dog had fun sniffing all the other dogs in the designated dog area of the park, running around and playing.
So after coming home then, we decided to have some vanilla yoghurt with mixed berries and fresh honeydew melon pieces. Tiny little bit of granola on top of that. And a home-made hot coffee latte.
The rest of the day was as it was meant to be for a Sunday: a day of rest. Simply enjoying the simple and small things like what I've just described.
Although there always may seem to be tons of things we need to do, it is nice to remind ourselves that we need a break every so often.
We should try to find a "break" time every day.
Ahh, life can be good...if we remember to stop and smell the flowers. ;-)
I was just thinking how wonderful it is to be able to have some leisure time in between all the
busy-ness.
This morning I was able to go out for a very long and nice walk in a park. The weather was perfect. Overcast, but yet warm. It didn't rain while we were out. I'm pleased to say my husband, dog and I walked, and then the rain came.
And although it was warm, it was not hot. In fact, in was a cool kind of warm. Very pleasant.
The dog had fun sniffing all the other dogs in the designated dog area of the park, running around and playing.
So after coming home then, we decided to have some vanilla yoghurt with mixed berries and fresh honeydew melon pieces. Tiny little bit of granola on top of that. And a home-made hot coffee latte.
The rest of the day was as it was meant to be for a Sunday: a day of rest. Simply enjoying the simple and small things like what I've just described.
Although there always may seem to be tons of things we need to do, it is nice to remind ourselves that we need a break every so often.
We should try to find a "break" time every day.
Ahh, life can be good...if we remember to stop and smell the flowers. ;-)
Friday, May 20, 2011
Desert Crossing & Ramblings
First of all: Sorry I haven't written anything new for over a month. I truly apologize. There have been times when I started to write something in this blog of mine, just to decide that it wasn't really worth writing about. Or it would be something I thought was too difficult to explain. Therefore, it would be too lengthy. Take too much time. Then distractions got in the way. I also was still working on the last finishing touches for the completion of my exams and tests.
Some things obviously are on a higher priority scale than others. Me getting that certificate I've been working so hard on since the beginning of the year, was one of the "high priority" ones.
A very dear friend of mine also was battling with liver cancer, and I was one of the very few people who she wanted to see and deal with the last few months. She passed away on the Eve of Our Lady of Fatima: May 12.
Let's just put it this way: It's been difficult lately. If I was talking about feeling like walking through a desert before (if you read my previous blog, then you know what I mean), then I've really been feeling like that even more so the last few months.
Even though it has been difficult, in some strange way things have also become easier.
I've always been fairly disciplined (that partially may have to do with the fact that circumstances already early on in my life kind of forced me to "get my act together"), so this has helped me get through the grueling months of spending endless hours studying the coursework, exams, etc.
Thanks be to God for that, I really should add. Because there were moments when I really didn't think I could cope with it anymore. In those moments I completely handed everything over to God. The result therefore isn't really all that surprising, and I have no intent on bragging, except for bragging what God has accomplished for, with and through me: a GPA of 4.0.
The certificate should be "floating in" within the next few weeks.
Now I just need to make sure that I keep practicing what I learned. That I don't forget it all. If anybody needs an Administrative Computer Specialist, let me know. ;-)
I would love to work for the Catholic Church in using the skills I learned, but I do need work with benefits (I'm talking about health insurance, in particular), so I will have to keep myself open for opportunities, rather than restricting myself. I plan on enjoying the summer first, though.
To get back to the subject...I'm still walking in that spiritual desert of sorts, but it now seems I've crossed a "sand dune" and found a little "oasis" to temporarily wet my tongue and ease the thirst.
One reason I feel this way is obviously because I know I am getting that certificate.
The other reason is because my friend no longer has to suffer such intense physical pain. It truly is an act of Mercy on God's part to no longer have her suffer the way she did.
I was praying that she may surrender to His Will, and that her suffering may ease, and I am happy that that is exactly what happened.
From a human perspective I will miss her intensely. I will no longer be able to go out with her, spend time with her, have conversations with her (ones that I can actually hear with these physical ears of mine), hug her, etc. So that part of me isn't all too happy.
But I'm happy to say that that is where the grace of God takes a hold of me and alleviates the pain and the sense of loss, and lets me see the bigger picture.
And I am intensely grateful to God for that.
As a human being though, I realize there will still be moments when I will really miss her physical presence.
As I will also continue missing other friends/relatives that have passed away.
But something within me has changed.
I no longer "cling" to my friends.
I love them, I miss them, and I still want to spend time with them and enjoy their presence, but I think the way I love and care about my friends has transformed into something more pure.
If a friend (or someone I had/have considered a friend - and hopefully they consider me as such, too!) no longer has time for me, wants to see me, talk to me, write me, call me,....or if a friend moves away, or gets sent elsewhere through work,....I have now learned that I may still try to contact the friend and try to keep the friendship going,
...but ultimately I have to allow that person or friend to make their choice, as to whether or not they actually want to try to stay friends as well.
I know circumstances and every-day life can make it hard to keep in touch with friends.
Just looking at myself, I know all too well how time can slip away and make it nearly impossible to stay in touch with others. At times it takes a true effort of the will (and some arranging by our dear Lord), to enable friendships to survive when everything is going crazy.
And of course not all friends are equal. Some friends are more acquaintances than actual friends.
With some people you also just simply feel more comfortable to hang around with. Also, even though I may have a valid point when I try to tell a friend something, it is useless if they have no interest in listening, or vice versa.
Generally, I'm interested in a dialogue, not a monologue. That dialogue is simply more likely to happen with some, than with others.
Sometimes we have an influence on that, and sometimes we don't. It's a fact that you don't tell everybody everything, and so you may be choosy as to who you may consider a close friend, rather than just a friend.
That doesn't change the fact that I love my friends.
I may agree to disagree with the one or other friend at times (or they with me), but that doesn't mean I forgot about the love I once had (and still have) for that friend/those friends.
I think God feels like this.
Just as God will not force someone to love Him. He will not force people to do the right thing. That wouldn't be love. He hates sin, but He still loves the person.
And in the meanwhile, He just patiently waits until we got our act together....
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that there are moments when I would love to spend some time with the one or other friend, but I simply can't for reasons that I, or the friend, may not be able to influence. So apparently our Lord has allowed that situation, whether it be of good or bad origin.
Some things are simply out of our control, and may not be something we could have foreseen.
In the past, such a thing would upset me.
All I would see is how it hurt me, inconvenienced me, etc. In that respect, I can (and have been) be a bit self-centered at times. I hate to admit it, but it's true.
And at the same time, I do think I may have very well been justified in feeling the way I did (and sometimes still do), especially in regards to the things I had/have no influence on.
And I think most people who are reading this right now may perhaps recognize that in themselves, as well.
So, I am really not talking about the stuff we tend to bring on ourselves. I am talking about the stuff where friends needed to switch jobs, or move elsewhere, out of necessity (not just simply because they got the "mood" for it). Or where sickness and illness would impact quality of life.
These are just some examples of what I mean.
And I know some of my friends felt as I do....as if life is just so "unfair".
Well, I still think it can be unfair, but now I realize that although it may be unfair, it nevertheless was allowed, and perhaps even willed by God in some instances.
I have come to not be so upset anymore, because I started to realize more and more that ultimately God is in control.
It also is a matter of trust.
That trust which is necessary in order to believe that God would not allow a person to be burdened more than he/she can handle.
I also have started to understand more and more that although a circumstance may be not by my own choosing (or the friend's choosing), or may be unfair, I do have a choice: be upset about it, or deal with it productively and positively.
It can be very easy to forget that you actually have that choice.
So even though I myself may be fully aware of my shortcomings and weaknesses, apparently God thinks I can handle certain situations. And I'm starting to think that the more you trust that He will help you, the more He thinks you can handle...because: All things are possible with God.
This of course makes me wonder if such trust in our Lord is good, because who really wants more burdens to deal with? But then again...what confidence He must have in us!
And are those burdens then really burdens? Sometimes, something seems like a big rock that needs to be moved, and I think that as long as we at least try to move that rock, He will be the one actually moving it for us.
I think sometimes He just wants to see if we at least give something a try.
If we dare to look beyond our physical, spiritual, emotional and mental boundaries that we may have built up for ourselves.
So anyways.....I've had some strange things happen to me lately.
A few weeks ago I went to confession, and as I was sitting there in the pew afterwards, trying to do my penance, I see this complete stranger come out of the confessional and go straight towards me.
I smelled incense or Chrism oil right before this woman approached me.
I figured it may have been St. Padre Pio, --> after all: I had just went to confession and was doing my penance, and I am one of his spiritual children. He is known to make himself known by the smell of incense (and in some instances the sweet smell of violets).
I am very cautious about people approaching me in church and trying to give me "messages". In the past there have also been people who thought they could just come right up to me and bless me. And these were not priests.
I know that when you have just washed yourself clean in a confessional, all good... as well as evil, can feel drawn to you.
So therefore, it is wise to be cautious.
So there I am "washed clean", and I must assume this strange woman coming out of the confessional must have also been "washed clean" by absolution.
Now, without any apparent reason whatsoever, she comes straight to me after coming out of the confessional herself and tells me the following: "Remember, He loves you. You are destined to be a great Saint." And with that, she walks off.
Like I said, I've never seen or met this woman before.
The same day I told myself I wasn't going to pay attention to that, since I couldn't be really sure who the origin of this "message" is, and therefore I decided I didn't want to think about it anymore.
I was tempted to write it down and share it with you here, but I stopped myself.
As you can see, I was not very successful with this, even though I was able to hold out for a few weeks now.
Ignoring this message was not going to be easy: I watched a show the other day in which is was said that it is okay to want to be a Saint.
Then recently, I went to confession (this time at another parish), and I came across an inspiration prayer from Bl. Pope John Paul II: "Do not be a afraid to be a Saint."
Then I came across the story of Jonas and the whale, when I simply flipped open my bible the other day. You can try to hide and run, but if it's something that you're supposed to pay attention to, you won't be successful in trying to hide or run.
Since Jonas was supposed to go to Nineveh on God's behalf and tell them the Lord's message for them, I took this as a message for me to humble myself and tell you that God can and will find ways to speak to you.
It has been an effort for me to write this down, because I realize how crazy it sounds.
I realize it may sound as if I just want to make myself into something I'm not.
Believe me, I am no Saint yet, even if I am supposed to be destined for it.
Just because I may be destined to be a Saint, does not mean I will actually be a Saint.
I still have the free will to screw it up, and in reality, we are ALL destined to be saints. Not just me. And I'm certain we are ALL loved.
Of course I want to be a saint, so I will try my best not to screw it up.
But I know there will be a battle of spirits going on until the day I die.
That is part of being a human being. We are not perfect, unless we're helped and seek that help.
This is meant as encouragement for any of you who may wonder if God is even listening to your prayers.
He is.
Your, and my "job", therefore, is to trust, believe, have hope and not worry.
Try to keep that spark of Love alive.
Keep communication open to God by praying. This prayer can be as simple as you simply talking out loud to God as you would do with a friend. He really is the best friend you can actually have. (Make sure nobody is around, so people don't start thinking you've lost your mind...) ;-)
As Jesus says: go into your room, and shut the door.
And be prepared: the answers to your prayers often does not come in the way you may hope or expect. Try to keep an open mind. If a situation seems to get worse, it may very well be a blessing in disguise, even though you may find that hard to believe when it happens at the time. As long as you trust God will take care of it for you, you may also have the confidence that a good result will come out of the situation long-term.
And yes, I'm writing this as a reminder for myself as well. ;-)
Even though I apparently arrived at an oasis in the middle of the desert, I realize the journey must go on, and there are some desert stretches I still need to cross.
Pray that I don't fall prey to the wolves and vultures along the way. I'll do the same for you.
XP
Some things obviously are on a higher priority scale than others. Me getting that certificate I've been working so hard on since the beginning of the year, was one of the "high priority" ones.
A very dear friend of mine also was battling with liver cancer, and I was one of the very few people who she wanted to see and deal with the last few months. She passed away on the Eve of Our Lady of Fatima: May 12.
Let's just put it this way: It's been difficult lately. If I was talking about feeling like walking through a desert before (if you read my previous blog, then you know what I mean), then I've really been feeling like that even more so the last few months.
Even though it has been difficult, in some strange way things have also become easier.
I've always been fairly disciplined (that partially may have to do with the fact that circumstances already early on in my life kind of forced me to "get my act together"), so this has helped me get through the grueling months of spending endless hours studying the coursework, exams, etc.
Thanks be to God for that, I really should add. Because there were moments when I really didn't think I could cope with it anymore. In those moments I completely handed everything over to God. The result therefore isn't really all that surprising, and I have no intent on bragging, except for bragging what God has accomplished for, with and through me: a GPA of 4.0.
The certificate should be "floating in" within the next few weeks.
Now I just need to make sure that I keep practicing what I learned. That I don't forget it all. If anybody needs an Administrative Computer Specialist, let me know. ;-)
I would love to work for the Catholic Church in using the skills I learned, but I do need work with benefits (I'm talking about health insurance, in particular), so I will have to keep myself open for opportunities, rather than restricting myself. I plan on enjoying the summer first, though.
To get back to the subject...I'm still walking in that spiritual desert of sorts, but it now seems I've crossed a "sand dune" and found a little "oasis" to temporarily wet my tongue and ease the thirst.
One reason I feel this way is obviously because I know I am getting that certificate.
The other reason is because my friend no longer has to suffer such intense physical pain. It truly is an act of Mercy on God's part to no longer have her suffer the way she did.
I was praying that she may surrender to His Will, and that her suffering may ease, and I am happy that that is exactly what happened.
From a human perspective I will miss her intensely. I will no longer be able to go out with her, spend time with her, have conversations with her (ones that I can actually hear with these physical ears of mine), hug her, etc. So that part of me isn't all too happy.
But I'm happy to say that that is where the grace of God takes a hold of me and alleviates the pain and the sense of loss, and lets me see the bigger picture.
And I am intensely grateful to God for that.
As a human being though, I realize there will still be moments when I will really miss her physical presence.
As I will also continue missing other friends/relatives that have passed away.
But something within me has changed.
I no longer "cling" to my friends.
I love them, I miss them, and I still want to spend time with them and enjoy their presence, but I think the way I love and care about my friends has transformed into something more pure.
If a friend (or someone I had/have considered a friend - and hopefully they consider me as such, too!) no longer has time for me, wants to see me, talk to me, write me, call me,....or if a friend moves away, or gets sent elsewhere through work,....I have now learned that I may still try to contact the friend and try to keep the friendship going,
...but ultimately I have to allow that person or friend to make their choice, as to whether or not they actually want to try to stay friends as well.
I know circumstances and every-day life can make it hard to keep in touch with friends.
Just looking at myself, I know all too well how time can slip away and make it nearly impossible to stay in touch with others. At times it takes a true effort of the will (and some arranging by our dear Lord), to enable friendships to survive when everything is going crazy.
And of course not all friends are equal. Some friends are more acquaintances than actual friends.
With some people you also just simply feel more comfortable to hang around with. Also, even though I may have a valid point when I try to tell a friend something, it is useless if they have no interest in listening, or vice versa.
Generally, I'm interested in a dialogue, not a monologue. That dialogue is simply more likely to happen with some, than with others.
Sometimes we have an influence on that, and sometimes we don't. It's a fact that you don't tell everybody everything, and so you may be choosy as to who you may consider a close friend, rather than just a friend.
That doesn't change the fact that I love my friends.
I may agree to disagree with the one or other friend at times (or they with me), but that doesn't mean I forgot about the love I once had (and still have) for that friend/those friends.
I think God feels like this.
Just as God will not force someone to love Him. He will not force people to do the right thing. That wouldn't be love. He hates sin, but He still loves the person.
And in the meanwhile, He just patiently waits until we got our act together....
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that there are moments when I would love to spend some time with the one or other friend, but I simply can't for reasons that I, or the friend, may not be able to influence. So apparently our Lord has allowed that situation, whether it be of good or bad origin.
Some things are simply out of our control, and may not be something we could have foreseen.
In the past, such a thing would upset me.
All I would see is how it hurt me, inconvenienced me, etc. In that respect, I can (and have been) be a bit self-centered at times. I hate to admit it, but it's true.
And at the same time, I do think I may have very well been justified in feeling the way I did (and sometimes still do), especially in regards to the things I had/have no influence on.
And I think most people who are reading this right now may perhaps recognize that in themselves, as well.
So, I am really not talking about the stuff we tend to bring on ourselves. I am talking about the stuff where friends needed to switch jobs, or move elsewhere, out of necessity (not just simply because they got the "mood" for it). Or where sickness and illness would impact quality of life.
These are just some examples of what I mean.
And I know some of my friends felt as I do....as if life is just so "unfair".
Well, I still think it can be unfair, but now I realize that although it may be unfair, it nevertheless was allowed, and perhaps even willed by God in some instances.
I have come to not be so upset anymore, because I started to realize more and more that ultimately God is in control.
It also is a matter of trust.
That trust which is necessary in order to believe that God would not allow a person to be burdened more than he/she can handle.
I also have started to understand more and more that although a circumstance may be not by my own choosing (or the friend's choosing), or may be unfair, I do have a choice: be upset about it, or deal with it productively and positively.
It can be very easy to forget that you actually have that choice.
So even though I myself may be fully aware of my shortcomings and weaknesses, apparently God thinks I can handle certain situations. And I'm starting to think that the more you trust that He will help you, the more He thinks you can handle...because: All things are possible with God.
This of course makes me wonder if such trust in our Lord is good, because who really wants more burdens to deal with? But then again...what confidence He must have in us!
And are those burdens then really burdens? Sometimes, something seems like a big rock that needs to be moved, and I think that as long as we at least try to move that rock, He will be the one actually moving it for us.
I think sometimes He just wants to see if we at least give something a try.
If we dare to look beyond our physical, spiritual, emotional and mental boundaries that we may have built up for ourselves.
So anyways.....I've had some strange things happen to me lately.
A few weeks ago I went to confession, and as I was sitting there in the pew afterwards, trying to do my penance, I see this complete stranger come out of the confessional and go straight towards me.
I smelled incense or Chrism oil right before this woman approached me.
I figured it may have been St. Padre Pio, --> after all: I had just went to confession and was doing my penance, and I am one of his spiritual children. He is known to make himself known by the smell of incense (and in some instances the sweet smell of violets).
I am very cautious about people approaching me in church and trying to give me "messages". In the past there have also been people who thought they could just come right up to me and bless me. And these were not priests.
I know that when you have just washed yourself clean in a confessional, all good... as well as evil, can feel drawn to you.
So therefore, it is wise to be cautious.
So there I am "washed clean", and I must assume this strange woman coming out of the confessional must have also been "washed clean" by absolution.
Now, without any apparent reason whatsoever, she comes straight to me after coming out of the confessional herself and tells me the following: "Remember, He loves you. You are destined to be a great Saint." And with that, she walks off.
Like I said, I've never seen or met this woman before.
The same day I told myself I wasn't going to pay attention to that, since I couldn't be really sure who the origin of this "message" is, and therefore I decided I didn't want to think about it anymore.
I was tempted to write it down and share it with you here, but I stopped myself.
As you can see, I was not very successful with this, even though I was able to hold out for a few weeks now.
Ignoring this message was not going to be easy: I watched a show the other day in which is was said that it is okay to want to be a Saint.
Then recently, I went to confession (this time at another parish), and I came across an inspiration prayer from Bl. Pope John Paul II: "Do not be a afraid to be a Saint."
Then I came across the story of Jonas and the whale, when I simply flipped open my bible the other day. You can try to hide and run, but if it's something that you're supposed to pay attention to, you won't be successful in trying to hide or run.
Since Jonas was supposed to go to Nineveh on God's behalf and tell them the Lord's message for them, I took this as a message for me to humble myself and tell you that God can and will find ways to speak to you.
It has been an effort for me to write this down, because I realize how crazy it sounds.
I realize it may sound as if I just want to make myself into something I'm not.
Believe me, I am no Saint yet, even if I am supposed to be destined for it.
Just because I may be destined to be a Saint, does not mean I will actually be a Saint.
I still have the free will to screw it up, and in reality, we are ALL destined to be saints. Not just me. And I'm certain we are ALL loved.
Of course I want to be a saint, so I will try my best not to screw it up.
But I know there will be a battle of spirits going on until the day I die.
That is part of being a human being. We are not perfect, unless we're helped and seek that help.
This is meant as encouragement for any of you who may wonder if God is even listening to your prayers.
He is.
Your, and my "job", therefore, is to trust, believe, have hope and not worry.
Try to keep that spark of Love alive.
Keep communication open to God by praying. This prayer can be as simple as you simply talking out loud to God as you would do with a friend. He really is the best friend you can actually have. (Make sure nobody is around, so people don't start thinking you've lost your mind...) ;-)
As Jesus says: go into your room, and shut the door.
And be prepared: the answers to your prayers often does not come in the way you may hope or expect. Try to keep an open mind. If a situation seems to get worse, it may very well be a blessing in disguise, even though you may find that hard to believe when it happens at the time. As long as you trust God will take care of it for you, you may also have the confidence that a good result will come out of the situation long-term.
And yes, I'm writing this as a reminder for myself as well. ;-)
Even though I apparently arrived at an oasis in the middle of the desert, I realize the journey must go on, and there are some desert stretches I still need to cross.
Pray that I don't fall prey to the wolves and vultures along the way. I'll do the same for you.
XP
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